this one goes out to the ladies at the farm

k~ found this article tonight about how to stop eating cheese if you're trying to go vegan, and passed it on to me.

http://veganfreak.com/food/stop-eating-cheese-an-excerpt-from-version-20/

since this is a place to document my struggles as well as the happy things that inspire me and cause me joy, i must hereby admit to you all that my kneejerk was a long whine in my head that said, noooooo, vegan freaks, you do not know that of which you speak! weaning off the cheese is easier than going cold tofu!

WHINGE.

now, don't get me wrong, my head says to me that these people clearly know what's up and are likely very intelligent and that just dropping the bs and saying to myself:

now is the time

is going to be much easier than the constant bargaining that i've been struggling with, which has been going something like this: perhaps just this one thing, a little parm here, don't want to waste this because i've already got it, won't BUY anything else, but can't waste what i've got even though m. could just eat it himself, which he will, let's not concern ourselves with that, things won't go bad around here, not really, not if i'm honest. with. myself.

the fact is i. love. cheese. i love the taste of it, the texture of it.

but i don't love how it's made, or where it comes from, or the wasteful output of the dairy industry in the form of veal calves taken from their mamas and kept in tiny boxes for their entire little lives. i don't love that i know that for every hunk of cheese that i devour, there is a beautiful lady cow out there kept pregnant for her whole life, watching her babies get dragged away, a series of confusing, hellish nightmares that no one should ever have to live through. i think of the beautiful cows that i had the pleasure of hanging out with at farm sanctuary, and i don't love cheese quite as much when i think about those ladies.

i am not sure what i'm going to do yet. when i started writing this post, i was hoping that by the end i would be decisive, sure of myself, certain that i'd drop the cheese and dump dairy, cold tofu, as they say, but to be honest, i'm just not sure i'm ready to say that.

i would love to be certain.

I've seen your bravery, and I will follow you there
And row through the night time
Gone healthy
Gone healthy all of a sudden
In search of the midwife
Who could help me
Who could help me
Help me find my way back in
There are worries where I’ve been

- joanna newsom, "emily"